Sleepless thoughts

So here I am, 1:18 AM on a Friday night. I tried going to bed about half an hour ago but I can't sleep. My brain is on overdrive. I got up, read a devotion out of "Our Daily Bread" on Romans 1:18-25. Basically it is about the devolution of man from children of God to foolish creatures. Finished that. Can't seem to focus enough on my thoughts so I'm blogging. So here is the hogpog going through my brain (I am writing this blog mostly because my writing is too messy and I want to type right now but also because I think some of you may like this. Not many though).

There has been a lot of death around me lately. I don't know if death is always hanging about and I just never notice or am insensitive until recently, or if this is a certain time in my life. It started in mid May (a month ago) when my  Grandpa died. I flew home for the funeral then came back to Arkansas after spending some time there. I then started reading a book where death is a side character, albeit a humorous one, who constantly pursues the main character to kill him. Last week a grandparent of some good friends of mine died. Two days ago I started rewatching Criminal Minds- basically CSI with more feels. It can be really brutal and gross. Last night (probably because of Criminal minds) I dreamt another friend of mine had died (2nd time they had died in a dream for me) and another dream where there was a large massacre at a graduation party I was at. Finally, tonight, I was playing games online and came across one where I choose which people died in a fire and which ones I saved- though the story goes through alternate timelines and ultimately everyone lives. So as I laid down tonight, for the first time in awhile, I was scarred to sleep.

I only remember two times since 5th grade that I have been scarred to sleep. In 5th grade, my Aunt taught me a prayer that she always prayed when she was afraid of having nightmares "Cover my mind in the blood of the lamb." I don't believe there is anything special about the wording but about the meaning. I pray that every night since 5th grade asking God to not let me be afraid and to keep the nightmares away. I have had two since then (I wouldn't consider last nights a nightmare). Shortly after that talk, I watched part of some horror movie and was sooo scarred to sleep. I prayed, felt much better, no nightmares. The second time I had been afraid to sleep was the night after a nightmare where the same friend as above died. That was my senior year of high school. So here I am, a Junior in college, afraid to go asleep and thinking about death. Silly of me, but.... I don't know. Maybe I am afraid of more bad dreams like last night. I don't like seeing my friends hurt.

Why are we so afraid of death? I'm not afraid of my own death mind you. I know where I am going when I die and while I'd like to live here on Earth for awhile, I won't mind going to heaven when my time comes. I'm afraid of death when it comes to others. I don't like people leaving me permanently. I feel bad when friendships end and I wish I could have done something to fix them but I know it is too late. But death is different. I will see a lot of my friends on the other side, so why do I get so upset and scarred when it comes to their death? Is it the fact that I can't communicate or see them for years? Or do I not fully understand that I really will see them one day. I think that is something a lot of Christians forget. We say all the time that we will see our loved ones when we pass on, but how many believe and act like that. If we really acted like that, funerals would be more joyous for Christians. We would truly celebrate that they have gone to be in heaven and we should be excited for the day we go ourselves.

But maybe death is scary and painful because of our sinful nature. Death is the result of a curse. We all have to die and we all deserve it. Maybe it is sad because when we die, part of us actually dies! Our old self, the sinful flesh is slain at death and we are permanently separated from it. Is that what scares so many of us about dieing? of course that doesn't explain why I am afraid of others dieing. Maybe it is because I'm afraid of being lonely, or I don't like seeing others suffer. Maybe I don't want people to leave me. I know I need all the help I can get from the body of Christ to live this life and if people keep leaving me, then who will I have to support me in my walk. Maybe I'm just not relying on God enough. I honestly don't know. I know that I don't like seeing others in pain, I am very protective over my friends and acquaintances.

So yeah. I don't like other people dieing. I'll be ok, I'm always ok. I'm just a little scarred right now. The Lord will protect me. He always has and he always will. Even when those close to me die, I still have one close friend who already has and will never leave me.

Thank you Lord for this day. I thank you for my friends and family and for how much they mean to me. Don't ever let me take them for granted and help me be a wonderful friend back. Please help me lean on you Lord and surrender my fears. Cover my mind in the blood of the lamb and help me wake to my alarm in the morning. I pray this in your holy and awesome name, amen. 

Jordan Journal 7/27/12

7/27/12- Friday evening in the Chicago airport

     Finally back in America =D. So Thursday was just a free day around Madaba. I went out with the Pollards, Luke, and Hannah to shop. We had lunch in a hotel then I walked back to our hotel and carried some of Luke's stuff that he bought so he wouldn't have to carry it all around town. I took a short nap,  played some chess with Luke by the pool, then watched Jordan tv till 7:00. We left at 7:00 for a group dinner which was really nice though I got fed up with a few people due to human nature. What I mean is at dinner, several people just complained about everything or ordered expensive stuff because they weren't buying. For dinner I had meat stuffed bread which was really good! After that, we had a special Ramadan [the month of fasting in Jordan] dessert: Pancakes things stuffed with cheese, nuts or smothered in honey. So good!!!!! After dinner I said goodbye to Olivia, Peter, and Aaron [They are leaving for the airport a bit earlier than me]. Then I walked around Madaba with the JBU group minus Rachel (She's been very secluded since we got to Madaba).After spending our last Dinar, we went back to the hotel where I said by to Emma and Hannah, I'll see them in three weeks though so it wasn't much of a goodbye. I stayed up for final packing with Luke then went to bed by 11:00. I had a rough time sleeping but I probably fell asleep by 12:30, 1:00. I woke up at 6:00, showered, packed, then left my hotel room in happiness  I bumped into Dr. Susan and Alyssa as I headed to the lobby, and Krista in the lobby. I called mom with the last of my minutes, Just some small talk mostly. At 6:30 I got on Facebook [on the hotel computer] and tied up things there. The taxi arrived at 6:50 so I said goodbye to the non-JBU folks and got in the car with the Pollards (minus Emma). After a quick drive, we arrived at the airport. Overall, the process was pretty painless for me: got through security, waited for checking to open, checked my bags in a minute then through immigration in about five. I waited for a bit for the Pollards and Paulette [Olivia's mom. She came several hours early for her flight to come with her daughter who was heading off to Ireland]then we had Starbucks before another round of security at the entrance of our gate. There they made me check my silver carryon =/. More waiting... Finally boarded the plane (Window seat!!!) and right before take off, the kid in the seat next to me got moved, empty side seat!!!!!. I fell asleep during take off (all my excitement couldn't keep me awake at 10:30 AM?) then woke up when we reached cruising altitude. Sadly, a man came and sat in the seat next to me because his tv was broken which made it a bit harder to fall asleep. In fact, I didn't sleep again the whole flight despite taking a Tylenol PM. So I watched "John Carter", "Journey 2", "The Firm", "This Means War", and "The Lorax".  O_o... I really like all the movies though. John Carter was visually amazing though it had a confusing plot (and random meaningless flashbacks). Journey 2 was the worst of the movies, I'd rather not watch it again. The Firm is a 80's/90's Tom Cruise movie that was probably my favorite. "This Means War" was entertaining especially that the interactions between characters kept changing throughout the movie. The Lorax was the only movie I had seen before and I still love it =). I got to see all of it up till two minutes before the credits then we descended into Chicago. My smile grew bigger and bigger as the ground grew closer and closer. Applause broke out as we touched the ground!! We were in America, we made it. I was home!! 4:00 PM, 13 hours after we left, thanks to backwards time zones. I made my way through passport control. There were so many US citizens coming in, we had to line up against the wall and back down the hallway towards the gates! I was standing in line when Paulette came out of the w omen's bathroom right next to me. Lucky her getting to cut with me and not go to the back! As the guy checks my passport, he asks me why I was traveling, he stamps my passport, hands it back, and says "welcome back": even now, two hours later, those words mean a lot to me. We wait half an hour for out luggage, check it again, then made my way to terminal 3 (after saying goodbye to the Pollards. I even gave Dr. Pollard a high five!!). After one final security check, Paulette and I said goodbye. She had been a point of security for me today: a source of comfort. She was just always there making sure we were going the right way or making conversation even though she'd been up for over twenty four hours and had had a rough expensive day. She's a cool lady. I grabbed McDonalds and now I'm sitting waiting to go home. My flight boards in an hour (8:25) and lands at 10:30 in Denver. There mom and dad will meet me with my phone and (hopefully) Arby's. I'm so tired right now. I've been up for twenty two hours nut I can't sleep yet. I'll sleep on the plane. I'm just so happy to be back and almost home! Oh! one last thing. Luke and I decided we wouldn't shave for our entire time in Madaba so my beard is itchy!! That extra 28 hours of travel (adding in my Denver flight soon) is letting it grow quite a bit more than usual. 

[So there is one more journal entry but it's about my next day home (Heavenfest!). I'm not going to post it because it has nothing more to do with Jordan and it isn't terribly interesting to you all. Well I really hope you have enjoyed my Journal so far!!!! I apologize for the bad grammar and random thoughts, but that's how my brain works sorry.]

Sanctioned by Shane: Fullmetal Alchemist pt. 2

Alright all! I have redone the Sanctioned by Shane idea and have created a grading point scale thing for all shows and movies. Books will, of course, have a different one. Since I've done this, I felt I needed to redo my review of Fullmetal Alchemist. So here we go!

Criteria 1- Story: consisting of plot and characters
     This show excels at pulling the emotion out of people. The plot itself is a story of two brothers and their search for the philosophers stone. Along the way they meet a wide cast of characters who help and hinder their cause. The real mystery of the plot dealt with how to create a stone as well as the humunculi and their quest to make one. While the show throws you through a lot of loops and twists, it leaves some gaps. For one, Scar never has his powers explained exactly and I can't believe that the recipe for making a stone isn't well known to all since everyone seems to know it later in the show.
     The characters themselves are phenomenal. Everyone seems fully fleshed out and interesting. The one exception  is the flame alchemist. You finally become aware of his full character by the end of the series but it still doesn't seem to fit with his previous actions. However, General Hughes and Major Strongarm are possible my favorite characters of all time.

Criteria 2- Animation
     The animation (at least to my untrained eye) appears impeccable. The colors match the mood and you really get the feeling of what each scene is trying to portray across. Several wow moments occurred with Greed and Teachers battle later in the season and the underground city also later in the series. However there were also a couple eh moments. One potentially awesome shot of two characters being viewed through two holes in a couch is ruined by the panning shot that obscures both their faces and shows you only a small section of the wall. These panning shots happen frequently enough to take notice.

Criteria 3- Soundtrack
     I loved the music for FMA but the only one that really struck me was the title sequence for the first 13 episodes. (the tittle sequence changes every 13-14 episodes) Other than that the music did it's job but no wow like star wars music.


Final score-
     Based on a highest score of ten with four for story, four for animation, and two for soundtrack, FMA has scored a total of 7. Each category had one point taken off for plot holes, awkward panning shots, and no wow music. 

Jordan Journal 7/24/12-7/25/12

[Sorry, this will be a short one. Next post will be my trip back to America and the last Jordan Journal.]

7/24/12- Tuesday night
     Petra is amazing and deserves to be one of the seven wonders of the world. Last night we went to little Petra which was cool. There was lots of climbing [including impossible stairs!!!]. Dinner was ok and vespers was nice. I watched an episode of "The Legend of Korra" with Luke then went to bed at twelve. I "woke up" (read after one hour of sleep -_-) at 5:30 to get ready for Petra. After the entrance gate, you walk a good mile through the canyon before you reach the city, starting with the beautiful treasury. Emma, her parents, Luke, Hannah, and I took a tour of the old city then a long hike up to the Monastery  After lots of rests, we made it! It was really quite beautiful plus a lot of scenic views.Once we got down, Luke joined up with Oliva and her mom while the rest went back to the hotel, leaving me by myself. I walked around some old churches and the tombs then made the long trek back to the entrance. [this was at one in the afternoon]. I decided to wait for the bus (coming at three) but there were no good seats or shade so I took a taxi back to the hotel. I napped a bit, then Luke came back and we watched the last episode of "The Legend of Korra" then dinner. By then my body had given up. Not only am I sick but I'm A)Mentally, physically, and emotionally exhausted B) Did not sleep last night C) Terribly missing home. [Sorry for whining lol. It is hard to understand how I felt at this time]

7/25/12- Wednesday night

I got nine hours of sleep last night, woke up at 7:30, and left Petra at 8. We took the bus to Shobock castle on our way to Madaba. Many of us were to tired to care plus the castle was on top of a hill that we wold have to climb. Once we climbed to the top, we wandered around together and found a staircase heading underneath the castle. After ten minutes of wandering down in darkness, the staircase disappeared and turned into a slope. After another twenty minutes, the slope ended and we climbed out of a hole and couldn't see the castle. We started walking up a hill to discover the hole led out at the base of the hill -_- We all gave up and went back to the tourist center where we played ERS. Once those who didn't follow us in the tunnel returned  we had another long bus ride  to Karack castle which was...a  castle. We had a silent lunch (I was crabby and ready to snap at anyone so I stayed quite) then we explored the castle a bit. Two hours later (5:30)  we made it to the Mariam hotel in Madaba [where we started]. Luke and I got put in the same room as we did when we first got here in June. [sadly not true. Later Luke and I remembered we were actually one floor above our first room]. We had dinner with Hannah and the Pollards then the JBU kids decided to watch the first Indiana Jones movie. On our way to our room after picking the movie we met another group of college archaeologists  which was nice to know we weren't alone. We were probably more help top them [sharing experiences and troubles and all] than they were to us. We played poker (with starburts) while watching the movie and then went to bed.

[So the next and last post will be my last day in Madaba and my trip home]

Jordan Journal 7/21/12- 7/23/12

7/21/12-Saturday Afternoon

[continuing from the last post when we left the school Friday morning]
      I was feeling crappy so I took some Ibprofane and dramomine before we left and I basically slept the entire way to the baptist site. [This is one of the traditional locations for Jesus' baptism] The baptism site was nice but really hot. Nothing super special except  a beautiful church. All the big tourist stuff is across the Jordan river in Israel. After walking around we went to the dead sea. Again, I was super tired and sick so I wasn't super focused. However, once we actually got into the dead sea, it was pretty cool! You can actually float in it! We then had a three hour drive to Aqaba, which was long and hot. We made it to the hotel near sunset  we ate McDonald's for dinner, chatted with some friends back home, and then I heard on the news about a shooting in Colorado. [This is the Batman midnight premiere shooting]. I really hope it all turns out ok. I slept pretty well considering I had been on a bus all day. Today we went to the red sea. After snorkeling  I kind of chickened out of scuba diving. I sat by the pool and rested a lot. Even now I'm just so tired. I might be coming down with something. I really want to enjoy my trip but mostly I just want to sleep. I don't know.. Tomorrow is Wadi Rum so that should be good.

7/22/12- Sunday morning [Not Wadi Rum yet]
     So last night reminded me a lot of home. The 5 JBU kids, minus Rachel, and Olivia walked around Aqaba. We found this restaurant in a huge complex and ate there. The food was ok but the conversation was great. It took awhile for Olivia to join the conversation but that makes sense since the 5 of us all know each other. [If I can remember right, the conversation was great just because we actually could sit over a meal and talk about things including things we like or don't like on the trip.] We came back to the hotel room and watched "Up" in Luke and my room. We all brought snacks too so it was nice. This morning Jennifer left for home so it was kind of weird since the 5 of us had bonded so well. The good news though is that I slept in as late as I wanted!!!! so basically 8:30!

7/23/12
     Almost done with the trip... I'm a mixture of joy and sorrow, mostly Joy. I miss everyone so much. I don't have any problems with the food, living conditions, etc. but I want my friends and family. Sunday we left for Wadi Rum. [You should seriously google images of this place! There is no way I can describe it and do it any sort of justice]. That place is gorgeous. I could totally believe it was an alien planet. It is a national park desert valley of sorts. We took a tour of it in three "jeeps". We visited a bunch of landmarks and places we could climb around. (Like a giant bridge!) I was in a jeep with Luke, Hannah, Emma, and her parents and we had a lot of fun! After we watched the sunset [which is also to beautiful for words], the jeeps raced (and I mean raced) through the desert to our camping spot. During the sunset though Luke and I spent a lot of time talking about Physics, time, and planets. I really would like to learn more about them. Our camp was set up against the rock wall facing this wide expanse before another huge rock wall like this ]_!_____[. The ! is our camp. [Yes that was all in my Journal]. four other people (two couples on separate tours) also joined us for the night. We all sat under a tent with a fire and talked for a majority of the night while drinking tea and watching other people dance. There was this Canadian couple who were spending six weeks touring around the Middle East which is the main couple we talked with. It was really nice to talk to other people outside our group having similar experiences to us. Around ten the food came out (which was cooked in the ground!). A majority of the Abila group pulled our mattresses out of the tents we had and out into the courtyard to sleep under the stars. [Also, you guessed it, to beautiful for words]. I woke up at seven, had breakfast, headed back to our bus, and drove to Petra! =) Well actually it is the city Petra outside of the ruins of Petra. We ate lunch then checked into a hotel. The place is built into a cliff so that we checked in on the sixth floor and had to go down to our rooms. Later this afternoon we'll visit Little Petra then tomorrow is Big Petra! But right now I am sick and tired. Nap time.

Jordan Journal 7/17/12- 7/21/12

7/17/12 Tuesday night

     Last two days of work were Monday and today. Monday we got to pull out all the ruble we found in our square. Several highlights included taking two naps during our breaks and Rachel's confusion as to her square. Since she had been sick, she hadn't been for over a week and was really confused as to what should happen and what already had. We came back and I took a third nap [obviously I was very tired from the Jerusalem trip], went into town with Alyssa and Krista, then went to one of our workers house. We showed up at 7:00, Pepsi at 8:00, tea at 9:00, dinner at 9:30, coffee at 10:30, home at 11:00 -_-. Court, Emma, Rachel, and I spent the night talking about nerdy things. Work today was much better than yesterday. [we only had to remove a little rubble in the three hours we had and Peter gave us permission] Court and I slept in our square, resting from the late night last night, and finished by second breakfast. We had a party under the tent. After lunch, Emma left with Dr. David to pick up her parents [Dr Pollard, her dad, is the president of John Brown University] so she allowed me to use her laptop, which means I could finally catch up on Facebook. I read also got to read all of Alisha's and Gabrielle's blog posts! They are such great writers. I hope I can write like that one day. After posting a blog post [see post "life on the tell"], Luke and I played chess under the tree with some lemonade. We both wished we had discovered both the lemonade and the tree earlier in the dig season.He won though 2-1. At least I am getting better. After chess we had pottery reading then journal. I'm about to go sleep on the roof then call Alex at 3:30 in the morning. Should be good!

7/18/12 Wednesday night

     Talked a lot with Krista last night while waiting for the Pollards to show up then I talked to Alex in the morning. I really enjoyed both conversations. It was great hearing Alex's voice even though my phone ran out of minutes and hung up on him. We went to the dig site to make top plans and bulk plans. Emma and I finished early so we joined Dr. David and Emma's parents on a tour of some of the tombs at the dig site. Played some chess, did some more top plans, napped, read, talked, then dinner at the Department of Antiquates Representative for Abila house. Talked with Court and Liz for awhile then it switched to religion. I have very little faith that God would use me to save someone =/ I'm not very good at explaining things so when Luke joined the conversation, he made much more sense though it seemed to fall on deaf ears... On the bright side, Luke and I are becoming better friends. We talk and share more with each other and hangout some. 

7/21/12 Saturday Afternoon [partial post because it is a good time to tie it up]

     Wednesday night, Luke, Hannah, Jennifer, and I all slept on the roof again. Had a nice little sleepover, just talked then slept. Thursday we packed  a lot of the day. It was tough work. Had some good talks though. Aaron and I rode in the back of a truck with all the barrels on the way to their two year home until next dig season and we talked a lot then. I got to call my mom later but that's really all the excitement for that afternoon. That night we went to Um Quays (Gadara) [we went earlier in the trip too] for dinner at another DOA rep. We also got to see to see the sea of Galilee just after sunset. Beautiful  Dinner was good but many of us were just ready for bed. We woke up Friday and packed everything else [like our beds] up and left Hartha. [Here is the start of a week or so long trip visiting sites around Jordan. This next section is the highlight of my trip! I'll continue the rest of Saturday's journal starting with Friday afternoon in the next post]

Jordan Journal 7/14/12-7/15/12

[Jerusalem trip!!!!!]

7/14/12- Saturday night
     So Thursday us JBU kids planned our Israel trip. We also had class that night which was really good! It was about God being great and good then a bit on the trinity as well. Friday morning we left on the bus for Israel. The border was insane! There was a long line to get on a bus that took us twenty feet across the border but took an hour to cover that distance. Then there was lots of security in Israel. We then had to find a taxi to Jerusalem. Israel is so different from Jordan! Topography, humidity, and people. Nobody is friendly and you can definitely see the mixture of the Jewish and Palestinian cultures. Our hotel is right outside Herod's gate of the old city. Really great spot! The old city itself is amazing!! Houses tower above walkways and tin roofs block out the sun so it seems like you are underground at times. It's so dark that you hardly notice when you go into a tunnel (and there are a lot) or outside. There are also shops everywhere. It would be really interesting to live in there. [For those unfamiliar, as I was, with the sections of the old city, it is split into four districts and, as a whole, takes only about half an hour, maybe an hour, to cross from one side to the other. the four districts are the Christian, Muslim, Jewish, and Armenian quarters]. We finally were able to explore the old city Friday evening. We wandered through the Christian quarter and were able to see the the Church of the Holy Sepulcher, which was absolutely incredible!!! [This church is placed both were Jesus' tomb is believed to be as well as the mount where he was crucified (which has really strong evidence for both)]. It is a massive building and you can really feel the tradition there. I nearly broke down crying when I saw the spot where Jesus died. It was all just a very emotional experience and I'm glad God gave it to me. That night we watched Hercules then went to bed around midnight. Saturday we got up at seven and into the city at nine. (as a side note, I bought a chess set the night before). We walked around the Muslim quarter then saw the wailing wall during the Jewish Sabbath! It was a little sad to see all the Jews worshiping there though with me knowing they are missing the messiah... The temple mount was closed too. We wandered towards the Jaffa gate and I bought a silver candlestick holder depicting Jerusalem for a wedding gift for Robbie and Ariel on the way. After falafels for lunch [which are amazing on the street by the way], I took a nap in the hotel then we decided to go to Bethlehem. We found a taxi to the border, which we didn't know existed. Apparently Israel put up a huge wall to separate the Palestine state from Israel. Another tour guide offered to take us across the border and on a tour, then back to our hotel. He smuggled us across because Luke and I didn't bring our passports [well we didn't know we were crossing a border].  He showed us a lot of graffiti along the wall and a really nice shop. It was an elaborate building with lots of old artifacts, necklaces, and olive wood carvings. He told us that the Christians of the city carve the, (apparently Bethlehem is predominately Christian) so I wanted to support them. Oddly, there was a really nice peace in there. I wasn't pressured to buy anything and everything just seemed nice and legit. God is good. After that we went to the Church of the Nazarene which was beautiful! Our guide kind of rushed us through since it was so crowded though. We then went back to the hotel then walked through the park of David to the pool of Siloam. We walked around looking for it for a couple hours only to find it locked then had to walk across the old city back to the hotel. Such a long walk for no pay off and a lot of grumpy people. Once we finally got back to the hotel (with no deaths!) we calmed down a lot and got along the rest of the night. We all hung out in my room till bed time. I'm so tired but I need to journal. still missing my friends but I'll see them soon. Tomorrow we head back to Jordan. I'll miss Jerusalem...

7/15/12- Sunday night
     Today was great but super stressful. Nice morning, left for the Church of the Holy Sepulcher at 8. We rushed along and I had a fun time being tour guide to different people [For some reason I knew more about the church and it's stories than the the rest of the group. I guess I explored it more the first time]. Then we got lost in the Jewish quarter as we tried to find the temple mount. Sadly the line to reach the temple mount was longer than the time we had, Back at the hotel, we checked out at 9:30 then our tour guide from yesterday picked us up at 10:00. We saw the Garden of Gethsemane and two possible locations of Jesus' ascension. We also saw a great view of the entire old city and the dome of the Rock. I also sat on a donkey named Peter. We headed off towards the border with a quick stop in Jericho which ended up lasting an hour and a half. We saw the supposed sycamore tree that Zacchaeus climbed (the tree is over 2000 years old) and the spring of Elijah. The border was, again, nuts. Took a bus to security, got my knife taken away, then more waiting, then a bus, then more waiting, then it took an hour to get our passports in Jordan [they took them on the bus]. We then took taxis to Irbid then a bus to Hartha. Made it back at 6:00. Made it just in time for dinner =) Luke and two of the girls stopped at McDonald in Irbid but my group was to tired and just wanted to get to the school.  We had vespers at area E [the spot of our food fight] but that day was so long that my brain was fried and I didn't understand anything. Hung out on the roof for thirty minutes just thinking about what God wants from my life. I would love for God to tell me what to for but He wants me to trust Him with that secret so I will. One reason I want to know is to see if I'll be going over seas or not. I'll trust God because His plan is sweeter and greater.