So I haven't written in awhile, not sure why. Guess I just haven't been feeling like writing. I guess I also don't think I have anything to write about, not anything meaningful or important. Even now I'm not sure what to say.
The past two weeks haven't been uneventful, they have been pretty goo. Went to a baseball game, saw Matt Carney in concert (You jelly Gabrielle?) watched the hunger games with my friend Joel, went for a great run with Alec, staying up way to late talking to Sarah and David. Really great moments spent with great friends, but I miss Arkansas. I miss college and the work/adventures/laughs I had there. My friends here are wonderful but I've been away for too long and it's hard to relate to them when I've changed so much this past year. Life here in Colorado is good but it's slow and uneventful. I'm ready for August, for the Robbie's wedding as well as the start of the semester.
So I leave for Jordan this Saturday. The closer I get, the less and less excited I get. I keep thinking I haven't prepared enough, I'll never make it through the airport, I'll accidentally ruin an artifact. I'm mostly afraid it will be another extension of this summer: No growth, just me doing stuff and not being poured into or pouring into someone. I know the trip will be great but there is a difference between a great experience and a meaningful one.
In case you didn't know, having a mentor/being a mentor is something I've been struggling with this past year. I want so badly for someone to invest in me, to help me. Someone wiser who has been down the path of life: but God just isn't putting anyone there. I don't know what He's planning but I know He's saying He is enough for now. guess that's my trust issue again. I also really want to mentor someone else and I know several people I'd love to mentor, problem is I live in Siloam Springs and not Greeley Colorado. I could have counseled them when I lived there but it just never clicked in my brain then.
I guess finally, I'm very mad at this world. I hate the greed and pride our world thrives on. I despise how this world is groaning and causing such disasters for people (There are several really big fires in the USA right now, one which is close to me. It blots out the sky with it's awful smoke, except at sunset when it's beautiful). I want to make a difference and fix this world but I know I'm a part of the problem and only God can. more trust issues ha.
In summery, I'm very homesick right now, both for my home in Siloam Springs and for my eternal home in heaven.
I think this blog sounds a lot more depressing than how I'm actually feeling so don't worry to much about me. I started ranting and just putting my thoughts from the past couple weeks on here. I'm perfectly fine and content (much to the disagriance of my mom, which is another story,) with life so definitely don't read to much into all this. I hope you all have a fantastic summer because this will probably be my last blog post till I get back from Jordan. I may be able to post a couple depending on the internet there (I'll probably post a quick one when I get in Jordan) but I'll try to keep a personal journal then digitize it for all of you to read. Have a wonderful summer my readers.
Well, first of all, I can't be jelly because I saw Matt open for owl city last time, and if I remember right, I think he winked at me--or pointed at me 'cause I was in the front row. I didn't (and still don't) know any of his songs, but I enjoyed him live) :3
ReplyDeleteSecond, I totally understand how you feel. I am super homesick for Arkansas. Even the rainy weather is getting me down. I miss the people in my life back at school. I miss being on my own and having independence. I don't connect with my friends here anymore and I haven't for a few years. And some of my relationships are struggling. Things need to be worked out and issues resolved. Plus, no job to take me out of the house from 9-5 every day. I understand those feelings.
Third, you don't need to worry about Jordan. I don't think you are going to ruin an artifact. I'm sure you are going to make it there just fine. You are going to have a blast. You just need a fedora like Indie's so you can look the part. :)
It's good that you recognize God's call to trust Him. I have no doubt that if you look to Him you will be given all you need--maybe not what you want, but what you need. God is good.
I hope that the rest of your summer will be better.